Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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