So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
