when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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