I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
