Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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