Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
