so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
