I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
