a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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