Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
