So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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