I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
