I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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