Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
