Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
