And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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