There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So much Jack, so little girl.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
