I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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