ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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