Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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