I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
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I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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