I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
