i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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