so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3pm strippers are depressing
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize