i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
