I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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