Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
