they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
