Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
