he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
