see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
