Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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