Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize