worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
