You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
