She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
