OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
