Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
