I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
