So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
