so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and she was petting her beer can
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
