I hate your face
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
