went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just want to make out with him forever
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
