so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
