11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
