just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
