a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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