apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
