Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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