bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
