Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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