I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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