Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
