just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
