So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
