even my farts smell like vagina
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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