Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i would punch a child for taco bell
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
did you just send me my own nude
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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