I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
