remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just google imaged poop.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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