Im at strip club and am horny
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
