Im at strip club and am horny
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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