The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
