2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
