The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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