he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we're so committed to being not committed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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