nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
