Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she told me i tasted like america
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
