dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Help. Why am I so naked?
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